A Very Unfortunate Series of Even More Unfortunate Events
by paperpotter
Summary: In which there is an explosion, Sirius Black is transported into crazy world, and a very perfect female character schemes to get him to fall in love with her.


Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter, blah, blah, blah...

A/N: This came to me in a dream. A very, very weird dream that included unicorns and a deranged Sorting Hat.

"Good afternoon, sir, and who may you be? Perhaps RockStar!Sirius or PrettyBoy!Sirius? We haven't had one of those in—" The man at the counter checked his watch. "—about ten minutes! A new record!"

"Er...I'm Sirius?" Sirius said questioningly.

The man gave a dry chuckle. "That's what they all say. What type of Sirius are you? Cute!Sirius? Angry!Sirius? Dear Merlin, you aren't another Regulus lost here, are you? Well?"

What type of Sirius was he? Was this a trick question? He was Sirius Black, of course. Frankly, he was still confused on how he wound up here. The last thing he remembered was Remus' cauldron blowing up and splattering both of them (sometimes, he wished Remus hadn't passed the Potions O.W.L.).

Was this man asking him what personality he had? Well, he was charming, cool, and very confused at this very moment.

"What type of Sirius are you?" He shot back at the strange man.

"I'm Informative!Sirius, of course. Can't you tell from my name tag?" The man pointed at a piece of paper pinned onto his shirt, and sure enough, in all capital letters, was I AM INFORMATIVE!SIRIUS. "I thought you had to be smart to be a Sirius Black—unless, of course, you are Dim!Sirius, which was designed for this very purpose."

"Well, how am I supposed to know what type of Sirius you are? And how are you Sirius Black, anyway? I am the only Sirius Black existing in the world!"

The man scribbled something on a notepad, and looked at him comfortingly. "Don't worry, it's common to be in denial for a small while. "You'll find out your personality very soon! For now, you are temporarily Sirius #19347. Please wait in our designated waiting area. We will call you over when there is a story request for you or you are reassigned to another location. My friend HelpfulInformative!Sirius will stay with you until you are well-adjusted to our facility."

Another man, who looked strangely like the person who called himself Informative!Sirius, stepped out of the shadows. He had a bright smile plastered to his face, and was carrying what looked like a walkie-talkie.

"Hello, I am HelpfulInformative!Sirius. I am here to guide you through Sirius Black World and get you acquainted with the many characters you will meet here. Over there is a cluster of Narcissus!Siriuses—they may look pretty, but they're all airheads. They're commonly used by young fanfiction writers who have not read all or any Harry Potter books. Gryffinwhore!Sirius also used to be quite popular, but many have realized that they don't make very interesting characters. Quite similar to Narcissus!Sirius, but they have a bit more intelligence." The man explained.

Sirius nodded, and tried to look vaguely interested. "Um, can you explain to me what this place is?"

The man looked surprised, and then resigned. "Informative!Sirius always forgets the important stuff," he grumbled under his breath. "This is Sirius Black World, an Unplottable place that Sirius Blacks of all ages and personality wait to be used by a fanfiction author. Fanfiction is when people—fans—write stories about a particular character. Once a Sirius is requested and written once, he can choose to come back and wait to be chosen again, or go back to where he came from. Not everyone gets chosen, though. Over there is Tigger!Sirius. He's one of my favorite people here...I hope someone uses him soon. Not all Sirius' get good fanfics, either. Some get long, about a hundred thousand words long masterpieces, and eternal fame, while others—well, they'll be lucky to be the OC's ex-boyfriend."

"Can I just go back to Hogwarts right now?" Sirius inquired. "I mean, skip the whole be a character in—a fanfic?—and just leave. I don't even know how I got here."

HelpfulInformative!Sirius clapped him on the back. "Well, I'm sorry—" he paused for a moment, looking down at Sirius's name tag "—Sirius #19347, but you need to be written once before you can go. And no one knows why they are here. Why, I simply arrived here one day, and now I work as a guide!"

HelpfulInformative!Sirius's walkie-talkie beeped, and Informative!Sirius's voice spoke. "Hello? HelpfulInformative!Sirius, there's a boy here who claims to be Stubby Boardman. I need you to help him out."

HelpfulInformative!Sirius sighed. "Well, duty calls," he said to Sirius. "Good luck here, young man. You should go around and meet a few more characters; that will come in handy when you decide to choose what type of Sirius you are. And remember—be patient. A fanfic will come along soon, and so will your chance—if you desire it—to go home."

With that, he left, leaving Sirius standing alone in a crowd of Sirius clones.

A/N: Yeah...strange. Feedback? This is basically the result of reading Evadne's Once Upon a Freakin' Time too many freakin' times.


End file.
